I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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