They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
