its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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