watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
