Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
