accomplished twins. life is a go
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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