My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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