Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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