yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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