it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just forgot I was standing up.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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