I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
