OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
