so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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