Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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