Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
