My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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