Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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