Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
