your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
