God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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