Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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