No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
