I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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