Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
