It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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