im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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