They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
