my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
