she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
