literally had 100 drinks last night.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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