ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
