Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
