yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
