What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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