I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
