If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
birth control should be required to get into college
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My feet surprised me
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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