Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
