i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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