i would punch a child for taco bell
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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