Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
