We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
