saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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