I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
