I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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