i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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