real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
