You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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