I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
