i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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