No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
